In truth, I needed to pull back for a minute months – okay, fine, a year! I am a firm believer in practicing what you preach — or at the very least, trying your best. This year, I didn’t really feel right about shelling out advice on how other people should live their lives when I was still trying to figure out how I wanted to live my own. On top of that, I didn’t want to give advice we’ve already heard countless times everywhere else. I wanted to give something fresh, honest, and meaningful that I really believed would have an impact. I didn’t want to be a parrot but actually contribute something original and authentic. As the year started coming to a close and I began to reflect on the experiences that came along with it, I can say that I have learned a number of lessons and I’m ready to share them with you all in a way I never could before. And as a warning (although many of you may find this delightful), throughout the next few months you’ll probably start to notice that I won’t typically be presenting things to you in a sugarcoated way. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down but we’ve got a lot to cover and as you may already know, a lot of sugar can make you feel like bouncing off the walls at first but in the end, you’ll crash. Mary Poppins, I am not. Sugar will be used as sparingly as possible.
I’ve never claimed to be the most confident of people. I would say I had a healthy dose of self-esteem most of the time, or at the very least, half the time. But, it wasn’t until this year where I realized how much I needed to work on my self-confidence. In a way, I almost felt like my angsty teenage self again and that’s what made me certain that I had a problem on my hands. Simply put, you know you’re on the wrong track when you start to seriously doubt yourself and find yourself becoming increasingly bitter and cynical.
You know you’re on the wrong track when you start to seriously doubt yourself and become bitter and cynical. click to tweet!
And I figured, if I was feeling this way when I considered myself to have pretty decent self-esteem, what about the thousands of girls (and boys!) who watch my videos that would say their self-esteem was not that great at all? I had to get to the bottom of this and find a method that worked! So, I spent countless of hours on the internet looking up all kinds of motivational speakers and experts, ordering and reading their books, signing up for programs, listening to their audio CDs, and doing my best to give their methods a chance. I became obsessed, to say the least. And in a way, I still am. Boosting confidence and getting your life in order from the inside out is a process but what I recommend as the first step is what I like to refer to as, “The Love Letter to Yourself“. Well, it’s more of a notebook…
If you don’t love yourself, who will? – We’ve heard it said thousands of times but it’s worth repeating. Learning to love yourself is essentially what self-confidence is all about. While most people will say to you, “There’s a difference between being confident and conceited,” I’m going to tell you that when you’re working on boosting your self-esteem, aim for conceit. At first. No one will tell you this. But, I promise there is a method to this madness. It’s based on the same logic as, “Aim for the moon so if you miss you’ll still land on the stars,” or however that saying we hear at every graduation ceremony goes. Throw yourself way out of your comfort zone at first so that way when you pull yourself back a bit, you’ll still be out of your comfort zone but it will feel a lot less scary by comparison. So for now, for the next month, you’re conceited. Tell yourself that you’re conceited. Embrace the idea and roll with it. Being modest or self-deprecating hasn’t gotten you any real fruits so far otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this in the first place, would you? You don’t have to be mean, but aim for conceit.
In the video above, I recommended that you should take 5-10 minutes out of every single day for at least the next month to write about yourself positively in the third person in this notebook. If it helps, imagine you’re someone that is in love with you. How would you talk about you if you were in love with someone like yourself? What could you talk about if you were in love with someone like yourself? Have fun with this. It’s going to feel awkward as hell the first few times you try and it may continue to feel awkward for the first minute or so on the next few times. Regardless, keep going with this until the day you realize that it doesn’t feel awkward in the least and starts to feel more like, “Well, obviously people in the world would think this or that of me.” When you get to that place, that’s when you know it’s working and you’re starting to take ownership of your awesomeness. From that point on, you can just do this whenever you feel you need a boost.
I always recommend writing because there’s something very powerful about the written word. You’re transferring your thoughts from inside of your mind to paper. In that moment, it’s like your thoughts instantly become things right before your very eyes. Writing also helps to organize your thoughts better and focus your attention where you want it to go. This is one of the reasons so many people swear by journaling. It helps to really express what you’re thinking and feeling so that way you feel as though you’ve already gotten something off your chest and you can go about the rest of your day without feeling like you’re carrying around all this excess emotional and mental baggage. Whether you choose to write things out by hand or keep this project completely digital by setting aside a folder on your computer is up to you. Truthfully, I often alternate depending on what’s more convenient for me that day. I even have notes on my iPhone and iPad from when I’ve been on the go and something happened or I wanted to remind myself of something. Crazy? Who cares?
Here are some things I recommend including in this “Love Letter to Yourself” Notebook:
- First page should be something that makes you feel motivated, empowered, excited. It can be a photo of yourself looking fabulous, a drawing that represents the kind of life you want to create for yourself, a quote, etc.
- A list of your top 3-5 goals for the year. They can be professional, personal, spiritual, whatever. Just any major things that are really important for you to achieve. Don’t make a crazy long list of top goals. Any more than five and you’ll have spread attention to thin. Of course, you can always have a long list of things you might like to do this year that you feel will make your life better or will give you nice memories.
- A list of your top 3-5 goals and the reasons why you want to achieve them. Our reasons are always more important than the goal itself. And keep an open mind because sometimes you can achieve your reasons in ways that may not involve your goal. That’s why sometimes we don’t always achieve everything exactly as we imagined but still can be happy and feel accomplished. But that’s a whole other subject.
- The daily love letter to yourself. See the 6th paragraph of this post for more details.
- Inspirations & Motivators. Include photos, if you wish. Go into a quick reason of why these people inspire you or what it is about them that inspires you. In the section containing your “haters”, you probably don’t even need to get into reasoning. Just the thought of them will send you firing towards your goals!
- A code of conduct. What kind of person do you want to be? What do you want to be known for? This is where you set some standards for yourself and list new kinds of behaviors. What habits do you need to break or what new ones do you need to create to be more of the kind of person you want to be or need to be in order to make your goals a reality. For example, I’ve found myself being more sarcastic, critical, and at times, even snobby this year. I always end up feeling bad when I’ve had a moment to reflect on how a comment may have made someone else feel. So, I’ve basically promised to myself to be kind as if my life depends on it.
- A list of things you’ve already accomplished. Don’t only focus on everything you’re doing wrong. Acknowledge your successes and how far you’ve already come. Keep adding to this whenever you can.
- Gratitude. This goes along with the don’t focus only on the bad. Recognize what is good. The littlest things can feel like big blessings on the lackluster days. Most things in life are temporary so enjoy and appreciate the good while it’s in front of you.
- You learn something new everyday. I’m big on learning. I’m constantly reading and taking in all kinds of information. For me, not learning is choosing to not move forward and grow. Not moving forward and not growing is the equivalent of death for me. So, I always like to end each day with something I learned whether it’s a little life lesson or something silly, doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I feel like I can take something out of that day and with me into the rest of my days.
Thank you for taking the time to watch the video and read this post. I’m excited for this new journey we’re going to take together. The journey towards our better lives and better selves that are waiting for us in the days, weeks, and months ahead! These are the kinds of things I’m most passionate about. While I love the glitz and glamour of makeup and fashion, it’s hard for me to get my head around how another video of a smokey eye is going to add to anyone’s existence. Although, of course you will be seeing more makeup tutorials and such, so don’t worry! In the meantime, my question for you is, what are the things you really want me to discuss? What are the specific subjects you’re most curious about, that you wish more people would talk about but don’t? Send me an email anytime or you can send me a message through Facebook fan page.
Let’s make this year more fabulous than the last!
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